Perfume Genius- Put Your Back N 2 It (2012)

Talk to any LGBT person, and it is very likely they had a certain song or musical artist that they listened to as they were coming to terms with their sexuality/gender identity. For me, there were two artists that I listened  to endlessly upon realizing that I was gay. The first was, embarrassingly enough, Sam Smith (in fact my first ever slow dance with another boy was to "I'm Not The Only One"), and the second was Perfume Genius, the stage name of singer-songwriter Mike Hadreas.

I loved Perfume Genius' music ever since I first discovered him in 2012. Personally, I have changed a lot since first hearing Put Your Back N 2 It, but I have not outgrown his music. Back then, his music held a very different meaning for me; I focused much more on the tender nature of his music and skeletal instrumentals that seemed to speak to the quiet and awkward teenager I was. He came off as one of the more authentic voices in indie rock at the time. Of course, what does authentic actually mean? But in Hadreas' case, I felt there were no gimmicks in his music, no trends he was trying to follow, and nothing about his music that was not deeply personal.

When I was coming out in high school, suddenly his music, specifically from Put Your Back N 2 It, contained a whole new meaning for me. Lyrics about being gay and dealing with personal adversity resonated with me in a way that was completely different when I kept myself in the closet. This is not to say you have to be LGBT to enjoy Perfume Genius, however, I think being queer gives you a perspective on his music that you would not be able to detect otherwise.

Put Your Back N 2 It centers around two key themes: homosexuality and sexual abuse. The latter is more apparent on one the album's strongest singles, "Dark Parts". Hadreas' delivers an ocean of piano over lyrics that morosely examine the lingering trauma that victims of sexual violence carry with them. As heart-wrenching as the beginning of the song is, it ends with with an assurance  that the victim's pain is also Mike's, letting them know that they are not alone in their suffering. The track "Normal Song" expresses the same type of sentiment, with lines like "no violence, no matter how bad, can darken the heart." The instrumentals here are very stripped back, only utilizing a handful of different chords, yet they make themselves overwhelming in their simplicity. Hadreas' soft and tender voice is allowed to dictate the emotion of the song, and I challenge anyone to listen to this song and not come out of it with watery eyes.

"Hood" is probably the strongest single on the entire record. The track describes a fear that anybody who's loved another can relate to: that a person will love you less if they knew you 100%. If you watch interviews with Perfume Genius (I think I've seen about all of them), you will see that he often talks about his own feelings of nervousness and self-censorship, especially when it comes to performing and writing music. "Hood" is undeniably tense, perfectly reflecting the anxiety one feels in the infancy of a relationship; you are constantly worried about messing up and destroying a potentially beautiful moment of your life. Upon watching the music video, this feeling becomes even more palpable.

Even though our society has become more progressive ever, fear still rules the psyche of many LGBT individuals. Speaking from experience, holding hands with a partner can be an absolutely nerve wracking ordeal. Most times nothing happens, but the bewildered stares and cries of "Faggot!" remain a constant threat, and sometimes it is even worse than that. Hadreas tackles this issue on "All Waters", expressing a longing to hold a lover's hand "with no hesitating". Again, the song itself is stripped back to simplistic chords, but the feelings they generate perfectly couple Hadreas' voice. I choke up every time I hear, because I possess the same longing for normalcy that he does, for the ability to be myself with no fear whatsoever.

Perfume Genius stands as one of the more unique and interesting singer-songwriters of the decade. His musical career is a coming-of-age story resembling the journey that many queer people face; progressing from a state of concealing your true self, to one of supreme pride in what you are. Listen to "Normal Song" and then listen to his latest track "Slip Away" (which has the best music video of the year so far), it's like listening to two different people. And yet, it is still the same Perfume Genius, just a more self-assured one, as emotional as ever.

Watch the video for "Hood" here: